


Baby steps

by serendipityxxi



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: 5x02, Episode Tag, F/M, post ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 18:54:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/995349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serendipityxxi/pseuds/serendipityxxi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kensi plays with Deeks' hair and there is mild angst and hope following the episode.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby steps

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for 5x02 obviously
> 
> Not mine. No money. Don't sue.

Kensi would like to say that her mere presence was enough to keep Deeks’ nightmares away but she’s woken to horrible whimpers when the movie is only an hour in. She raises herself on one elbow to look at her partner in concern. He makes that awful sound again and Kensi wants desperately to wake him, she also desperately doesn’t want the round of awkward, uncomfortable and possible “I need to be by myself to deal with this” that’s coming when she does. While she’s biting her lip and debating what to do her hands have moved on their own, her fingers threading gently through Deeks’ messy, blonde curls the way she’d wanted to the day they’d rescued him. He doesn’t wake so she does it again, and again, and like she’d hoped it makes his whimpers stop. He settles down. Kensi bites her lip. There, the world didn’t end. Why didn’t she do this the day they’d rescued him? Because she didn’t want to look overly concerned to Sam and Callen? What an idiot she is.

  
She hasn’t touched him, not really, since their kiss. She would have held his hand in the ambulance but he and Sam went in the same one and there was no room for her. She wanted to hold his hand in the examining room but they wouldn’t let her close enough. When he was in recovery she wanted very badly to go in there and stroke his hair and hold his hand but there was the case... And on the rooftop when Michelle hugged Sam, Deeks had stood so still, his posture fragile, she’d known he was in pain and didn’t want to cause him any more and so she hadn’t touched him though her fingers had tingled with the need.

Tonight sitting on the couch they’d been pressed together hip to knee at some points, Deeks’ hands moving around her body in such close proximity, trying so hard to be normal for her. It was almost as if he had wanted to reach out too but couldn’t, as much as she couldn’t. She’d wanted to reach out, badly. She’d wanted to hold on to her partner the instant he opened the door. But Kensi’s not a hugger and Deeks was still broadcasting ‘don’t touch me’ vibes, so she didn’t.

Deeks has settled down, his breathing deep and steady again. She strokes his hair back off his forehead. She’s not sure he’d want her to but she is sure it’s making things better.

His hair is soft, softer than it should be with the amount of seawater Deeks usually spends his time in. She’d accuse him of secretly having a stash of conditioner, but she knows he’s probably got a collection that outnumbers her own, wouldn’t feel less manly that Callen uses a 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner and would probably make a joke about Sam not needing any. She strokes his hair and the movie plays on. It looks like he’s relaxed his jaw and she realized he’d clenched it in his sleep - that had probably triggered the bad dream or made it worse... She sighs and strokes through his curls again. The lights in the living room are all still on so she should have noticed when Deeks’ eyes opened but she didn’t.

“If you wanted to play with my hair Kens,” his voice is a sleepy rumble, “you didn’t have to wait til I was asleep. You could’ve just asked,” he teased though his eyes were still half-lidded.

Kensi pulled her hand back swiftly, rolling her eyes at him. She was watching him closely though. And she saw Deeks make an aborted movement like he wanted to grab her hand back, that was all the encouragement she needed. Kensi shifted her position on the sofa and resumed sifting her fingers through his hair gingerly.

“It’s a little dirty,” he warned, voice sheepish

“When is it not?” she teased gently, watching his reactions. Their faces were as far apart as the throw pillow, Deeks didn’t have the best breath right then but neither did she, she supposed. She added her nails to the mix, dragging them lightly across his scalp, making Deeks hum deep in his throat, his eyes closing.  
She smirked at his resemblance to Monty in that moment.

“Go back to sleep, Deeks,” she ordered.

He smiled, that careful smile he’d come back from his ordeal with, as if still testing how much the movement hurt.

“You’ll stay?” he asked quietly, eyes still closed.

“I’ll stay,” Kensi assured him. She knew wide awake Deeks wouldn’t have made the invitation, she was intensely grateful this Deeks had because she wasn’t going anywhere.

Maybe tomorrow she’d be brave enough to try to hold his hand.


End file.
